We were given an almighty gift this Christmas, my Dad has hired a villa and has bought us all plane tickets to Lanzarote in June! I got an overwhelming rush of excitement which quickly morphed into panic, and I’ve not been able to lose it since… I keep playing out the scenario in my head:
I have a panic attack before we even leave the house, lots of tears and worrying about being sat on a plane for over 4 hours with no way of escape. When we arrive I imagine myself not being able to get out of the car, getting to the airport doors and feeling that rush of panic take over me. Standing in the queue at check in and that adrenaline, ever rising, almost at boiling point as I approach the desk. Walking onto the plane with jelly legs and a racing heart. Eyeing up the seat closest to the toilet and wishing it was mine. Sat sweating, squirming and panicking for over 4 hours until it’s time to grab my suitcase and endure the next panicky scenario.
Then I try to imagine myself walking in with excitement, eager anticipation at enjoying a much deserved break and how amazing I’ll feel upon our return knowing I conquered such a huge thing! Then the initial concerns weave themselves in amongst the calm, I picture myself with my trusty sick bag, feeling nauseas and all my senses on high alert.
Then I think, ‘once we touch down and arrive at the villa it will all be over’. But it won’t. There’s the return journey, the day trips, feeling trapped within 4 walls for the whole duration unable to leave the villa grounds.
I’m trying my best to think positively, I know my own negative thoughts are holding me back but I just can’t erase them from my imagination, no matter how hard I try.
I already plan to go to the GP to get Diazepam in the hopes it’ll calm me enough to actually physically get me on the plane. I have my trusty Thrive app (see here) to help me on the journey and I have colouring and games on my phone to help pass the time.
I feel like I need to prepare now for this holiday, it’s in June so a lot can change by then, but it’s consuming a lot of my thoughts right now and I hope by putting pen to paper (well, finger to keys!) it will help me relax a little?
If anyone has any tips, please comment below! I feel like I need to polish my armour as I go into the biggest battle I’ve faced as an Agoraphobic.